Unique Welsh wedding traditions start during courtship. In Wales, St Dwynwen’s Day (St. Dwynwen is the Patron Saint of Lovers) is January 25th, is a far more important date in the Welsh calendar than St Valentine’s Day. So, it is traditional in Wales to give your intended flowers on January 25 rather than February 14.
As discussed elsewhere in this book, a man in Wales carved a lovespoon to give to his intended. The elements on the lovespoon represented his hopes and desires for the relationship (a key on the lovespoon was to his heart, beads might have to do with how many children they might create, hearts intertwined, etc.). This tradition has faded but it seems to have revived to a certain extent (especially now that you can buy such spoons and not lose a finger carving one).
The Maids Trick is another Welsh wedding tradition to be carried out on Christmas Eve or on a Welsh Fairy Night. In particular the maid left a feast on her kitchen table and went to wash her undergarments, which were left to dry by the fire. Once that was done, she went to bed leaving the feast and garments in plain sight.
At this point her intended came along and ate the feast and saw her undergarments. These things were meant to get him to propose to her.
Welsh Wedding Traditions (for details on planning see other entries in this blog)
These days confetti is thrown as the couple exits the church. Back in the day, wheat was thrown which was thought to enhance fertility.
Any Welsh brides hope to awake to birdsong on their wedding day, it is thought to be a good omen for a successful marriage. Further, the first person to congratulate her should be a man (easily arranged if you are aware on its importance, so get it done)!
Welsh brides wear a bouquet with sprigs of myrtle, which is symbolic of love.
Another tradition has to do with the bride’s wedding gown. Oddly, if it got torn at any time during the day, it was thought to be predictive of a happy future for the couple (easily arranged but odd).
Further Welsh brides; don’t toss a wedding bouquet to a waiting throng. They toss a broach or pin which was affixed to their wedding gown. Naturally, whoever retrieved the pin would be the next to marry.
As noted elsewhere in this book, the leek or daffodil is the national symbol of Wales so including them in the wedding motif would go far in creating a Welsh Wedding.
Scotland is known for its independent thinking. That independence is clearly in evidence vis a vis weddings both in olden and modern rites.
Wedding traditions in the Old Days
As far back as the thirteenth century, the church would announce each proposed wedding for three successive Sundays. This practice continued for more than six hundred years. Finally the announcements in church gave way to a simple announcement of intent to get married and the obtaining of a marriage license from the local registrar.
Creeling the bridegroom is another ancient custom. This custom required the bridegroom to carry a creel (basket) filled with stones on his back. He had to carry this basket around until his intended came out of her house and kissed him.
Another old custom involved the entire village. The villagers formed a procession and led the couple to the church. Interestingly, two ceremonies were held, one outside the church and the other inside the church. the difference being that the in church ceremony was conducted in Latin.
At the conclusion of the in church ceremony the couple exchanged rings; the rings symbolized never-ending love. After the exchange of rings, the couple kissed in front of all. As you know, this tradition is very much alive today.
Following the ceremony, bagpipers led the entire village to a nearby home (usually a close relative) for the wedding reception/party. The merry making usually lasted the entire night. The wedding couple led the first dance of the night. After that, everyone joined in.
When the celebration wound down, the newlyweds were led to their house. The groom lifted the bride and carried her across the threshold to keep her feet from touching the threshold where evil spirits often resided. At this point, the priest blessed the home and the couple in their wedding bed!
Modern Scottish wedding traditions
Wedding ceremonies these days are not as formal or ritualistic as they were in the past. However, many modern practices can be traced to the traditions of the past. There are also aspects of today’s weddings that do not seem all that related to past practices. What follows is an overview of how current Scottish Weddings often proceed.
One practice is the “show of presents” held by the bride’s mother about a week before the marriage ceremony. This event is similar to the bridal shower in the US. During this event the presents are opened (only women are present) and cakes/tea are served.
On the men’s side is the groom’s stag party. Not long before the wedding, the groom’s friends take him out for a night of partying and drinking. The object is to get the groom is so drunk that he allows his friends to leave him near his home, naked and tied up.
To return to saner practices, the bride wears a white wedding gown for the wedding ceremony, while the groom dresses in traditional Highland kilt, kilt jacket and sporran (a practice that is becoming commonplace in the US as well). At the beginning of a traditional ceremony, the couple is led down the isle by a bag piper (another practice is to play Gaelic hymns as the couple walks to the alter). A universal practice is to play The Highland Wedding.
At the alter the couple often recites their vows in Gaelic (becoming more common as Gaelic regains ground in Scotland) or in English if need be. After the ceremony, a strip of the groom’s clan tartan is pinned to the bride’s wedding dress signifying that she is now a member of the groom’s clan.
After the ceremony the wedding party/guests partake in a lavish reception feast. At this event, the couple is piped to the head table where the couple slices the wedding cake with a dirk (dagger) provided by the piper. As the bride cuts the first slice, the groom guides her hand.
As you would expect, the reception is full of merriment (music, toasting, drinking…all centered around the bride and groom). There seems to be no ending time as the celebrating goes on til early morn.
When the couple arrives at their new home, tradition demands that the groom carry the bride over the threshold. It is doubtful he does it to ward off evil spirits as they did 700 years ago, but it is done nonetheless.
People often want the recipe for a traditional Irish Wedding. Fortunately or unfortunately, there is no such recipe. As in most modern societies, the Irish personalize their ceremonies and there seems to be no consensus as to “how it used to be”. However, there are things that one can do to make your wedding uniquely Irish.
First, you might arrange to get married in Ireland. This is entirely possible, though it takes a good deal of advance planning. If you are going to go this route, I’d strongly suggest using a wedding coordinator. This person will be aware of all the rules and regulations. They will also be able to discuss the ins and outs of the wedding with you. Here are a couple such coordinators (there are many others):
In Ireland:
Maria Curran 353-1-851-1141
In the United States:
Brigit Horne-Nestor 513-762-5550
If you want to set things up yourself, three months written notice is required by the Registrar in the district you want to get married in and being in the district two weeks before you will be getting married will be necessary. Naturally, you will need to set up all the other things that go into a wedding yourself, long distance. I wish you well with all that.
That said, I’ll discuss your “Irish” wedding (assuming you are not getting married in Ireland) with regard to: Pre-Wedding Considerations, The Ceremony, The Reception, and Post-Wedding Customs.
Pre-Wedding Considerations
Attire
The choice for men is pretty clear cut once the general nature of the wedding ceremony has been decided (formal…a tux, informal…a suit) but the selection of a wedding dress for women is a big deal. My best advice is to select the dress you feel suits you (yes, listen to others but pick the gown you want…after all it is your wedding). One way to make the wedding a bit Irish is to use Irish lace to trim the gown and wedding veil (if you select a simple gown these can be added as decorative touches to the sleeves, neck, etc.). Any decent seamstress can make these additions with little difficulty. If you are using a Celtic knot pattern to theme the wedding, you might incorporate that knot into the lace work (see the entry on “Celtic Weddings” in this blog for more detail on this point).
One thing to consider is using a cape and hood to complete the bride’s ensemble. This is very Irish and very stylish.
Bridesmaids
One can go the gambit here from allowing attendants to choose their own outfits (within your color scheme) and those being trimmed with your overall theme (say shawls with shamrocks). Or you can pick out the attendants dresses yourself.
Flower Girl
In my view, a simple dress that complements the flower girl’s natural attributes is the way to go. I would avoid a lot of extras (like halo’s that little girls find uncomfortable and remove). If need be, put some ribbons in her hair that complement your overall decorating patterns. The ribbons fit nicely with Irish heritage (unmarried women in Ireland used to wear a lot of ribbons in their hair).
Color Scheme
I probably should have discussed this first because your color scheme affects choices for clothes, flowers, etc. One way to go Irish is to use green and white but you are certainly not restricted to these choices. Another approach is to use the colors that appear in your families’ crests. In general, choose colors you like and colors that complement one another (otherwise your guests will be focusing on your odd choices and not on the proceedings). Once selected, it’s a good idea to use the color scheme throughout as a way of showing unity.
Flowers
Flowers can be selected to mesh with your color scheme and attire. Take swatches of material with you when you talk with the florist. He or she will be able to make better suggestions that way. An enormous variety of flowers flourish in Ireland so you have a variety of choices from that perspective.
Invitations
One way to handle the invitations is to have them printed using the Celtic Knot or other design that you are using in other aspects of the wedding. Any decent print shop should be able to handle the job. If you want to go Irish, you might consider using the Lantz at Killary line of stationary. They have an extensive array of Celtic designs and ways to personalize your invitations.
RSVP
The wording of wedding invitations is pretty standard and should include an RSVP section. Knowing how many people to expect is critical to the planning process. It seems tacky to send wedding invitations via email but it is probably wise to provide a way for people to RSVP via email. To facilitate such replies be sure to include your email address in the invitation. Don’t forget to include yourself and significant other when planning the number of people who will be attending. It is also wise to allow for a few extra places for those who don’t RSVP but show up anyway.
Sealing Wax
If you really want your invitation to stand out, you might consider sealing the envelope with wax the way they used to do long ago. Many Irish Stores carry the kit needed to do this. A very elegant touch would be to seal the envelope with the same pattern you are using throughout the wedding (a Shamrock for instance).
Postage
Assemble a complete packet and take it to the post office to be weighed and an accurate postage rate determined. If you are going to include a map to help people find the location, be sure you have included the map in the packet to be weighed.
Jewelry
Celtic Design Wedding Bands. Interest in things Celtic has led to an amazing array of Celtic Designs on wedding rings. These rings are available in silver, silver/gold, white gold/yellow gold with and without diamonds that are stunning to say the least.
Claddagh. I’ve discussed the Claddagh legend in another section of this blog so I’ll not repeat it here. Many people choose the Claddagh design for their wedding rings or as an indicator of betrothal. The hand the ring is worn on has significance as does the direction of the Claddagh. If the ring is worn on the right hand with the heart pointing out, it means the wearer’s heart is uncommitted. Worn on the right hand with the heart pointing in, it means the wearer’s heart is taken. Worn on the left hand with the heart pointed in, it means “Let love and Friendship reign forever, never to be separated”. The Claddagh is available in all materials (gold, silver, platinum) with stones of all sorts. One can also find pendants, cuff links, bangles, bracelets, etc. with Claddagh designs making it easy to use the Claddagh theme throughout a wedding.
Other
It is possible to get Celtic/Irish jewelry in many other designs. One interesting one involves Ogham script (discussed elsewhere in this blog). One can have messages inscribed on the jewelry that are unique or more typical. It is possible to get other things like family crests on rings. One might also use a bond ring as a wedding/engagement ring (bond rings have a tradition like the Claddagh…in early times when a man was going off to sea, war or whatever, a ceremony was held, vows made in front of witnesses. At the conclusion of the ceremony, the woman kept one portion of the ring and witnesses the other two. When the fellow returned, the rings were reunited.).
Horseshoe
This is a long held tradition. In olden days, brides used to carry a real horseshoe down the aisle. It was thought to bring good fortune and was held with the open end pointed up so the luck would not run out. These days brides don’t carry real horseshoes but do have ones sewn into the gown in conspicuous or inconspicuous places depending upon your desires. Or the horseshoe might be a part of the bridal bouquet.
Transportation
In days gone by most couples in Ireland walked to the church. A violinist playing various tunes but most certainly “Haste to the Wedding” led them. The minstrel also played in front of the couple as they walked from the wedding to the reception playing various tunes but among them “Your Bargain is Made”. Of course, this is impractical these days. One could imitate this by walking a couple of blocks if one had their heart set on such a ceremony.
Another means of transportation is via horse and carriage. Many locales afford such an opportunity and it is in keeping with Irish heritage. If you choose this route, the livery will usually go out of its way to accommodate your desires (decorating the carriage/horses in your preferred colors, etc.).
It is certainly easier to go with the normal limo service but may not be nearly as memorable.
Pre-wedding Festivities.
Bridal Shower
This is essentially a shower to which only women are invited (called a hen party by Irish folk). It is a special occasion with the bride, bridal party, mother-in-law to be, mother, friends, etc. The number of people at such occasions is usually small. The circumstances warrant bringing out the best china, serving tasty delicacies, opening and oohing/aahing over gifts, chatting, and having a good time without the worrying presence of menfolk.
Bridesmaids’ Luncheon
This event is to show appreciation for the contributions the bridesmaids have made to the wedding. One way to handle this is to treat folks to a nice lunch at a restaurant (say with a water view). Another way is to have the event at your home. In this case, you can add a touch of the Irish by showing some great films (like the Quiet Man, Circle of Friends, or the Matchmaker). Or, you might choose some music (like Riverdance, Lord of the Dance, or Feet of Flames).
Wedding Present Display
In this Irish tradition, the wedding presents are set forth and the bridal party invited to view the display. Afterward, treats are served.
Stag and Doe Parties
This is a last “hooley” for the bride and friends and the groom and friends. These wild affairs are usually boys only and girls only. The proper setting for either is an Irish Pub, complete with the requisite dartboard. Be sure to have a designated driver or a limo on call. If an Irish Pub is not available, I’m sure you can think of suitable alternatives. If a night on the town seems inappropriate, other suitable activities might be golf/lunch (or another such activity), select TV events with snacks, and so forth. The essential idea is for friends to have a chance to let the bride (groom) know they are well thought of.
Rehearsal Dinner
After running through the ceremony so everyone knows their roles, it is customary for the groom’s parents to host a dinner for the bridal party. Try to avoid a long drawn out (dast we say drunken affair). Make it a brief early night. The wedding is the next day and the bride and groom have a very long day ahead of them. They need a good night’s rest.
Fortunately or unfortunately, the rehearsal dinner is a time for roasting (called slagging by the Irish) the bridal couple. It is all in good humor so be sure your remarks are not offensive. Before/after the toasts, a nice touch is to have a harpist playing Irish songs in the background.
As to the menu, you can find a lot of simple Irish oriented menus in books and on line. A very basic and very Irish menu would include the following:
Ham and Cabbage Potatoes (boiled in their skins) Irish Brown Bread Irish Apple Cake
The Ceremony
The marriage ceremony is, of course, the point of all this activity. Assuming you are getting married in a church setting. It is a very good idea to talk to the officiant early in the process. You don’t want to plan a ceremony that will violate the accepted practice of the church. This step will keep you from spending time, effort and money on things that won’t be allowed. In general, a wedding is seen as a happy, personal event by most churches and couples are allowed considerable flexibility.
Ceremonies these days usually take place in a house of worship. One way to add an Irish touch to an indoor church ceremony is to have the attendants precede the bride down the isle with lighted candles (symbolic of the time when the bride’s path was lit by young fellows carrying bogwood torches).
An outdoor ceremony is very Irish. One way to handle this is to be married on the church steps (that way if the weather doesn’t cooperate the event can be moved indoors…ditto with a ceremony at a private home).
Various blessings are available for the event (many of these can be found in Haggerty’s excellent book “The Traditional Irish Wedding”). My favorite is the following traditional Irish marriage blessing:
May God go with you and bless you. May you see your children’s children. May you be poor in misfortune and rich in blessings. May you know nothing but happiness from this day forward.
Naturally, you should use such blessings as you consider appropriate and any others that are required by your officiant. I find vows made up by the couple out of their sincere commitment to one another the most unique and important aspect of a wedding, but that’s just me.
Reception
The reception follows the wedding ceremony. In olden days in Ireland, the reception was held in the bride’s parent’s home and hosted by them. Following the ceremony, the couple would walk to the bride’s parent’s home with the rest of the guests in tow. If you have a large enough home and are close enough to walk there from the ceremony, this is a very lovely tradition. Not only were the wedding party welcome at the reception, the entire village was invited to the festivities (a tradition that is still practiced in parts of Ireland)!
However, this is usually not possible these days so I’ll present more typical arrangements.
Blessings
The reception feast is often gotten off the mark with a blessing. The Irish have any number of blessings that might be used in this circumstance or one can be made up for the occasion. A blessing may also be appropriate after the meal (the blessing on everyone seems right to me…”As plentiful as the grass grows, Or the sand on the shore, Or the dew on the lea, So the blessings of the King of Grace, On every soul that was, That is, Or will be”). At the end of the reception the following blessing works: “That the roll call this day, twelve months may find us all present and none absent.”
Decor
Obviously, the decor for the reception should mesh with the decor used for the wedding if you want a fully coordinated affair. If not, one can decorate the reception area in any manner. One consideration is to make sure that decorations do not interfere with the movement and actions of the guests.
Food and Drink
Again, one can follow tradition or break with it. If you are not going to serve alcoholic beverages, it is a good idea to let that be known in advance. If you are, it is a good idea to have someone keep an eye out for those who have a tendency to overindulge. One certainly doesn’t want the affair tarnished by such events/behavior.
The cake, cake topper, and decorations are often the centerpiece of a reception. I don’t much like the bride and groom mashing cake onto one another’s faces but…. I think it is much better to offer the other a small morsel and have them eat it.
Toasts,
Be sure to provide an occasion for toasts to wish the bride and groom all the best (whether toasting or roasting)…. start with the immediate family and then allow others the opportunity.
Music
There are some excellent Celtic wedding cds on the market (one by the Chieftains for instance). Or if you can afford it, lots of harpists, etc. specialize in doing weddings and receptions. Be sure to work out the songs you want in advance and make sure the player(s) are able to perform those items.
Honeymoon
A honeymoon in Ireland may be just the ticket. If this is in the offing, there are a lot of companies who can plan a wonderful stay in Ireland. Another way is to rent a car and drift around to your heart’s content. If Ireland isn’t possible, pick a spot you’ll both enjoy and enjoy.
Celtic weddings are becoming more popular as couples search to make their special day less commercialized and more personalized.
A Celtic Ceremony. is a good way to make this happen. The Celtic tradition whether in pagan or Christian in form is a way to bring meaning and depth to marriage ceremony.
What is a Celtic wedding? One would think that question would be easily answered but it is not. The nature of the Celtic wedding differs in many regards depending upon the tradition one chooses to draw upon. In some cases you might have a ceremony that follows the patterns of a typical (if there is such a thing as typical) Irish wedding, in others a Scottish pattern, others Welsh, some mix traditions, some want pre-Christian elements, others do not, and so forth.
I will comment on the elements that might be included to create a Celtic theme in a wedding and avoid commenting on differences that might give the wedding an Irish, Scottish, or Welsh flavor in order to keep this post manageable.
Celtic elements. One basic element in a Celtic ceremony has to do with Celtic design. That is, the participants select a favorite Celtic design to use as a border around the edges of your wedding invitations, select wedding rings that employ Celtic designs (say Celtic love knots), the cake can have similar designs, as can the wedding dress, the wedding book, program, and so forth can use the Celtic knot pattern you have selected.
With a bit of thought, you will be able to create a wedding with a Celtic theme throughout. For instance, you might select the trinity Celtic knot (as per the illustration) as your design theme. This knot represents various things depending upon the context. At its most basic form, it symbolizes eternity and eternal love (it also has been connected with life stages, the Christian Trinity, and other things). Thus, you might use it to symbolize your commitment to one another. It then becomes the design you have embossed on the wedding program, napkins, etc. It gives the entire ceremony unity and depth.
You might also employ Celtic elements in the wedding, such as the Caim. The Caim involves drawing a circle around you and your intended while you take your wedding vows. The circle is a sign of your commitment to one another in God’s eyes. As the circle is drawn, the bride and groom say “The Mighty Three, My protection be, Encircle me, You are around, My life, My Love, My home, Encircle me. Oh sacred Three, The Mighty Three.” This is a powerful commitment to one another in God’s eyes. It also continues your trinity theme (you, your intended, God).
You can also light a Unity Candle. In essence, three candles are placed in a row on the wedding alter, Two of the candles are lit at the beginning of the ceremony and at the proper time, the bride and groom use the two candles to light the third (this is referred to as “Lighting the Unity Candle”). If you want to symbolize, that your former life is over, extinguish the two candles, if you want to indicate that you remain as you were with a new beginning as a couple leave all three candles remain alight. This ceremony also represents the unification of the families. Naturally, the candles can be decorated with the motif you have selected (the trinity knot, for instance).
For those who are going to make their vows truly Celtic, the following Celtic Wedding Pledge might be appropriate:
“You cannot possess me for I belong to myself, But while we both wish it, I give you that which is mine to give. You cannot command me for I am a free person, But I shall serve you in those ways you require. And the honeymoon will taste sweeter coming from my hand. I pledge to you that yours will be the name I cry out in the night, And the eyes into which I smile in the morning. I pledge to you the first bite from my meat, And the first drink from my cup. I pledge to you my living and dying, equally in your care, And tell no strangers our grievances. This is my wedding to you. This is a marriage of equals.
Handfasting is an ancient tradition that is gaining interest/momentum these days. It is Pagan in origin and differs in numerous ways from a “traditional wedding”.
The first and foremost difference is that the couple involved decides on the level of the ritual they want to commit themselves to and they marry themselves…they are not married by some officiant. We’ll consider the levels of commitment first and then discuss some of the practical considerations involved.
Simple Handfasting Ceremony
This is a simple, inexpensive ceremony in which the couple commits to sharing their lives for a year and a day (or some other agreed upon period) at which time they re-evaluate the relationship and decide whether it should continue (we called this Tying the Knot in an earlier entry).
High Rite of Handfasting
This is a much more elaborate ceremony and takes considerable time and money to accomplish. This ceremony involves a priest and priestess, friends, family and so forth. It involves a legal ceremony as well as a magical one.
In this case, the couple promises to stay together as long as the love does last (understanding of course that the couple will try to enhance the love and use all means to do so). This ceremony can take place between a pagan and a non-pagan but usually does not. The simple handfasting ceremony can also occur between a Pagan and non-Pagan.
The Rite of Becoming One
This ceremony can vary in the time and money involved but must take place between initiated Witches in a formal ceremony. The important difference in this ritual and the others is that it is an intense ritual in which couples join their physical, emotional, and magical selves.
Time Considerations
For the Simple Handfasting Ceremony allow at least 6 weeks to plan the event, for the High Rite of Handfasting allow at least 6 months, and for the Rite of Becoming One allow at least a year. The reasons for these time frames will become clearer when we consider the ceremonies in more detail.
Monetary Considerations
Handfasting ceremonies differ from traditional ceremonies in terms of who is responsible for the costs. Because it is your commitment, you and your partner should split the costs (naturally if one person has a considerable amount of $ and the other does not, costs can be unequal but the important thing is that each makes a significant contribution to the event).
Handfasting is not an inexpensive way to get married. The cost of handfasting will vary just as much as the cost of traditional weddings. If you want an elaborate ceremony/reception and very little time to invest, it will cost you a bundle to hire others to do the work. On the other hand if you have a lot of time and want a simple ceremony/reception, the event may be quite inexpensive.
For any ceremony, the clearer you are about what you want the less hassle it will be and will generally cost less. You and your partner should talk everything through before you get others involved. If you need help anticipating what needs to be considered, get a third party to help you anticipate these things.
Selecting the Site
The best way to do this is to decide on the nature of the ceremony, how many guests, and so forth then select the site. If you select the site first, you will find yourself tailoring your ceremony to suit the site. Naturally, sites vary in what they offer and what they cost. A site devoted exclusively to events of this nature can provide most of the things you may want (unfortunately, they also have a tendency to “sell” you things you may not want) and tend to be pretty costly. On the other end of the spectrum, there are sites that simply give you a key and walk away. You do everything (decorating, cleaning, cooking, etc.). Naturally, these sites are not very expensive but do require a lot of effort on your part.
Planner
The following things should be done early in the process. Initially put all your ideas down (you and your partner should do this together…it is best if you do it as a couple without third parties so you can get clear about your expectations writing this all out will then give you something to go over point by point at a later time). If you as a couple can get clear about your desired ceremony, it will be easier to resist attempts by others to make it the handfasting of their dreams rather than the handfasting of your dreams.
Anyway here is a list of considerations (similar in any wedding ceremony, really):
What kind of a ceremony do you desire?
When?
Where (alternatives if it is outside & weather is bad)?
Type of Reception?
Where will the reception be held (indoor options if the choice is outside)?
Desired officiant(s)?
Theme (if desired)?
Type of Wedding Attire (bride/groom)?
Dress for Women in the Wedding Party? Men?
Bride’s Attendants?
Groom’s Attendants?
Lodging for out of town guests?
Food for Ceremony? For Reception?
Food provided by?
Flowers? For Alter? For Bride/Attendants? For Groom/Attendants? For Parents/other special guests? For Reception? For Celebration?
Flower provider?
Candles for Ceremony?
Candle provider?
Music? Provider? Backup?
Photographer? Backup?
Transportation (to Ceremony, to Celebration, for anyone who needs it in the wedding party)? Backup?
Dates for meditations?
Dates for Enhancing Rituals?
Wording on Invitations?
Miscellaneous (any special issues you need to confront? how will you confront those issues?)?
Dealing with Religious Differences
Presumably, you and your partner have worked through your differences and what to do about them (if you are of different faiths, you might decide to conduct two ceremonies, for instance). Be absolutely certain of what you want/expect before you deal with different religious views of important others. Others generally view pagans with suspicion and/or intolerance. You need be clear about what you are going to do before you tackle others views.
Some couples decide that it is their ceremony and that the others will simply go along. That is a very questionable assumption, those attending the ceremony with no idea of what to expect may feel duped, may get angry, may disrupt the ceremony, and so forth. For the sanctity of the Handfasting Ceremony, I strongly urge you to let all those you intend to invite know what you are planning. You may find that the attitude of some is so extreme that you should not invite them to the ceremony. For the major participants (parents in particular), be sure to let them know well in advance about your plans. You may find your parents so opposed that you will wind up with them being unwilling to participate. I would hope you know your parents well enough to have expected extreme reactions and are prepared to go forward without their participation. I know that may be a very difficult decision to make, but, unless you want your parents to dictate your wedding plans, you may have to exclude them (or others from the ceremony). Good luck dealing with these thorny issues…please, please don’t stick your head in the sand and just spring a Handfasting on non-Pagans that is a formula for disaster. I know others should be more tolerant but…
Basics of a Simple Handfasting
A simple handfasting (for gay or heterosexual couples) is a way of committing to another for a year and a day. It is a way to explore the relationship’s potential without an everlasting commitment. As with all Handfasting Ceremonies the couple should be clear about their needs/desires otherwise…
One needs an alter, an officiant, a circle, objects of consequence to the couple.
Step One. The officiant casts the circle (say with sea salt and rose petals) then states something like:
We have gathered together to witness the Handfasting for a year and a day of ___________ and ___________. We gather to add our energies and intention to their energy and intention. If there are those among us who cannot enter into this spirit, who do not agree wholeheartedly with these intentions and energies, please leave now. (pause briefly to allow any who wish to leave to leave).
Step Two. Now that we all are as one vis a vis the intention of this Handfasting, we can begin this ceremony of commitment. We call now on the power of the Great Mother, the Mother who holds all and who breaks all. We call on the power of the Horned One; he who protects us; he who solves challenges; and he who knows the ways of passage. (long pause)
———– and ———- come forward and state your intentions (couple steps forward into the circle).
———— states her/his intention as clearly as she is able. These are vows to be written by the participants.
———— states his/her intention as clearly as possible.
Step Three.
Officiant. We have heard and understood your intentions. We add our energy to your energy. However, all such commitments require an act of binding. Tell us now of your act of binding.
Couple now does the act of binding. This can be very simple with the exchange of rings (or another object) or very elaborate (lot’s of ritual objects that are explained in turn and placed in a bag). I think a Handfasting Braid should be involved but not all Handfastings include this braid (rope). Somewhere in here, usually at the end, the couple states their intention to remain together for a year and a day.
Step Four.
Officiant We have heard you and bear witness to what you intend.
Couple lights a candle, feeds one another cake, shares cake with those present.
Officiant Great Mother and Horned Hunter, we thank you for your presence. Let what has been said and done here be remembered.
Group So shall it be.
Conclusion.
It is off to the reception to celebrate this Handfasting.
MORE DETAILED HANDFASTING RITUAL
” Traditional HandfastingTime: Best performed at the time of the new moon.
Setting: Bedeck the ritual area in flowers of many types, particularly the favorites of the couple, and roses. The altar should be arranged as usual, plus 2 white candles, incense of a flower scent, and a willow wand. Dress is up to the couple. Celtic tradition is that the bride where’s some kind of veil or netting and an article of scarlet. The couple should bring wedding rings and small symbolic gifts for each other if desired. The priest/ess fits the rings over the willow wand, then lay them on the altar.. After lighting the candles and incense, the priest and priestess face the gathering, backs toward the altar. Priest:
May the place of this rite be consecrated for the Gods. For we gather here in a ritual of love With two who would be wedded. _______ and _______ please come forward and stand here before us, and before the gods of nature.
They couple comes forward and stands before the Priest and Priestess, groom in front of Priestess, bride in front of Priest.
Priestess:
Be with us here, O beings of the Air With your clever fingers Tie closely the bonds between these two.
Be with us here, O beings of Fire Give their love and passion your own all-consuming ardor
Be with us here, O beings of Water Give them the deepest of love and the richness of the body, of the soul and of the spirit.
Be with us here, O beings of Earth Let your strength and constancy Be theirs for so long as they desire to remain together
Blessed Goddess and Laughing God Give to these before you, we do ask your love and protection Blessed Be.
All:
Blessed Be.
Priestess and Priest hold up the wand between them with the rings upon it. Priestess:
Place your right hands over this wand and your rings his hand over hers
Above you are the stars below you are the stones as time does pass Remember Like a star should our love be constant Like a stone should your love be firm Be close, but not too close Posses one another, but be understanding Have patience each with the other For storms will come, but they will go quickly Be free in the giving of affection and warmth Make love often, and be sensuous with one another Have no fear and let not the ways or words of the unenlightened give you unease For the Goddess and the God are with you, Now and Always.
(Pause for five heartbeats) Priestess: I
s it your wish, _bride’s name_ to become one with this man? (bride gives her answer) Is it your wish, _groom’s name_ to become one with this woman? (groom gives his answer) Do any say nay? Then, as the Goddess and the God and the Old Ones Are witness to this rite I now proclaim you husband and wife.
A kiss is appropriate at this time, and the tokens may be exchanged. The ceremony is then over and the cakes and wine on the altar should be served at the revel that follows.”
This ritual was detailed in:
Slater, H. (1978) A Book of Pagan Rituals,Weiser Inc. NY, NY. HIGH RITE OF HANDFASTING AND THE RITUAL OF BECOMING ONE
These rites are complicated and go well beyond the scope of this book. Those interested in detailed information on these rites are referred to:
Rhea, L. M. (2001), Handfasted and Heartjoined, Kensington Publishing Corp: NY, NY.
The expression “tying the knot” probably evolved from the traditional Celtic wedding ceremony called hand-fasting. In a ceremony of this nature the couple holds hands with guests encircling them. The couple simply pledges themselves to each other and gently binds their hands together with a cord, a strip of cloth or tartan. No third party is involved (minister, priest, judge, etc.). Hand-fasting is essentially a trial marriage contract that lasts for a year and a day, if things do not work out the two simply go their separate ways.
