Introduction
People often want the recipe for a traditional Irish Wedding. Fortunately or unfortunately, there is no such recipe. As in most modern societies, the Irish personalize their ceremonies and there seems to be no consensus as to “how it used to be”. However, there are things that one can do to make your wedding uniquely Irish.
First, you might arrange to get married in Ireland. This is entirely possible, though it takes a good deal of advance planning. If you are going to go this route, I’d strongly suggest using a wedding coordinator. This person will be aware of all the rules and regulations. They will also be able to discuss the ins and outs of the wedding with you. Here are a couple such coordinators (there are many others):
In Ireland:
Maria Curran 353-1-851-1141
In the United States:
Brigit Horne-Nestor 513-762-5550
If you want to set things up yourself, three months written notice is required by the Registrar in the district you want to get married in and being in the district two weeks before you will be getting married will be necessary. Naturally, you will need to set up all the other things that go into a wedding yourself, long distance. I wish you well with all that.
That said, I’ll discuss your “Irish” wedding (assuming you are not getting married in Ireland) with regard to: Pre-Wedding Considerations, The Ceremony, The Reception, and Post-Wedding Customs.
Pre-Wedding Considerations
Attire
The choice for men is pretty clear cut once the general nature of the wedding ceremony has been decided (formal…a tux, informal…a suit) but the selection of a wedding dress for women is a big deal. My best advice is to select the dress you feel suits you (yes, listen to others but pick the gown you want…after all it is your wedding). One way to make the wedding a bit Irish is to use Irish lace to trim the gown and wedding veil (if you select a simple gown these can be added as decorative touches to the sleeves, neck, etc.). Any decent seamstress can make these additions with little difficulty. If you are using a Celtic knot pattern to theme the wedding, you might incorporate that knot into the lace work (see the entry on “Celtic Weddings” in this blog for more detail on this point).
One thing to consider is using a cape and hood to complete the bride’s ensemble. This is very Irish and very stylish.
Bridesmaids
One can go the gambit here from allowing attendants to choose their own outfits (within your color scheme) and those being trimmed with your overall theme (say shawls with shamrocks). Or you can pick out the attendants dresses yourself.
Flower Girl
In my view, a simple dress that complements the flower girl’s natural attributes is the way to go. I would avoid a lot of extras (like halo’s that little girls find uncomfortable and remove). If need be, put some ribbons in her hair that complement your overall decorating patterns. The ribbons fit nicely with Irish heritage (unmarried women in Ireland used to wear a lot of ribbons in their hair).
Color Scheme
I probably should have discussed this first because your color scheme affects choices for clothes, flowers, etc. One way to go Irish is to use green and white but you are certainly not restricted to these choices. Another approach is to use the colors that appear in your families’ crests. In general, choose colors you like and colors that complement one another (otherwise your guests will be focusing on your odd choices and not on the proceedings). Once selected, it’s a good idea to use the color scheme throughout as a way of showing unity.
Flowers
Flowers can be selected to mesh with your color scheme and attire. Take swatches of material with you when you talk with the florist. He or she will be able to make better suggestions that way. An enormous variety of flowers flourish in Ireland so you have a variety of choices from that perspective.
Invitations
One way to handle the invitations is to have them printed using the Celtic Knot or other design that you are using in other aspects of the wedding. Any decent print shop should be able to handle the job. If you want to go Irish, you might consider using the Lantz at Killary line of stationary. They have an extensive array of Celtic designs and ways to personalize your invitations.
RSVP
The wording of wedding invitations is pretty standard and should include an RSVP section. Knowing how many people to expect is critical to the planning process. It seems tacky to send wedding invitations via email but it is probably wise to provide a way for people to RSVP via email. To facilitate such replies be sure to include your email address in the invitation. Don’t forget to include yourself and significant other when planning the number of people who will be attending. It is also wise to allow for a few extra places for those who don’t RSVP but show up anyway.
Sealing Wax
If you really want your invitation to stand out, you might consider sealing the envelope with wax the way they used to do long ago. Many Irish Stores carry the kit needed to do this. A very elegant touch would be to seal the envelope with the same pattern you are using throughout the wedding (a Shamrock for instance).
Postage
Assemble a complete packet and take it to the post office to be weighed and an accurate postage rate determined. If you are going to include a map to help people find the location, be sure you have included the map in the packet to be weighed.
Jewelry
Celtic Design Wedding Bands. Interest in things Celtic has led to an amazing array of Celtic Designs on wedding rings. These rings are available in silver, silver/gold, white gold/yellow gold with and without diamonds that are stunning to say the least.
Claddagh. I’ve discussed the Claddagh legend in another section of this blog so I’ll not repeat it here. Many people choose the Claddagh design for their wedding rings or as an indicator of betrothal. The hand the ring is worn on has significance as does the direction of the Claddagh. If the ring is worn on the right hand with the heart pointing out, it means the wearer’s heart is uncommitted. Worn on the right hand with the heart pointing in, it means the wearer’s heart is taken. Worn on the left hand with the heart pointed in, it means “Let love and Friendship reign forever, never to be separated”.
The Claddagh is available in all materials (gold, silver, platinum) with stones of all sorts. One can also find pendants, cuff links, bangles, bracelets, etc. with Claddagh designs making it easy to use the Claddagh theme throughout a wedding.
Other
It is possible to get Celtic/Irish jewelry in many other designs. One interesting one involves Ogham script (discussed elsewhere in this blog). One can have messages inscribed on the jewelry that are unique or more typical. It is possible to get other things like family crests on rings. One might also use a bond ring as a wedding/engagement ring (bond rings have a tradition like the Claddagh…in early times when a man was going off to sea, war or whatever, a ceremony was held, vows made in front of witnesses. At the conclusion of the ceremony, the woman kept one portion of the ring and witnesses the other two. When the fellow returned, the rings were reunited.).
Horseshoe
This is a long held tradition. In olden days, brides used to carry a real horseshoe down the aisle. It was thought to bring good fortune and was held with the open end pointed up so the luck would not run out. These days brides don’t carry real horseshoes but do have ones sewn into the gown in conspicuous or inconspicuous places depending upon your desires. Or the horseshoe might be a part of the bridal bouquet.
Transportation
In days gone by most couples in Ireland walked to the church. A violinist playing various tunes but most certainly “Haste to the Wedding” led them. The minstrel also played in front of the couple as they walked from the wedding to the reception playing various tunes but among them “Your Bargain is Made”. Of course, this is impractical these days. One could imitate this by walking a couple of blocks if one had their heart set on such a ceremony.
Another means of transportation is via horse and carriage. Many locales afford such an opportunity and it is in keeping with Irish heritage. If you choose this route, the livery will usually go out of its way to accommodate your desires (decorating the carriage/horses in your preferred colors, etc.).
It is certainly easier to go with the normal limo service but may not be nearly as memorable.
Pre-wedding Festivities.
Bridal Shower
This is essentially a shower to which only women are invited (called a hen party by Irish folk). It is a special occasion with the bride, bridal party, mother-in-law to be, mother, friends, etc. The number of people at such occasions is usually small. The circumstances warrant bringing out the best china, serving tasty delicacies, opening and oohing/aahing over gifts, chatting, and having a good time without the worrying presence of menfolk.
Bridesmaids’ Luncheon
This event is to show appreciation for the contributions the bridesmaids have made to the wedding. One way to handle this is to treat folks to a nice lunch at a restaurant (say with a water view). Another way is to have the event at your home. In this case, you can add a touch of the Irish by showing some great films (like the Quiet Man, Circle of Friends, or the Matchmaker). Or, you might choose some music (like Riverdance, Lord of the Dance, or Feet of Flames).
Wedding Present Display
In this Irish tradition, the wedding presents are set forth and the bridal party invited to view the display. Afterward, treats are served.
Stag and Doe Parties
This is a last “hooley” for the bride and friends and the groom and friends. These wild affairs are usually boys only and girls only. The proper setting for either is an Irish Pub, complete with the requisite dartboard. Be sure to have a designated driver or a limo on call. If an Irish Pub is not available, I’m sure you can think of suitable alternatives.
If a night on the town seems inappropriate, other suitable activities might be golf/lunch (or another such activity), select TV events with snacks, and so forth. The essential idea is for friends to have a chance to let the bride (groom) know they are well thought of.
Rehearsal Dinner
After running through the ceremony so everyone knows their roles, it is customary for the groom’s parents to host a dinner for the bridal party. Try to avoid a long drawn out (dast we say drunken affair). Make it a brief early night. The wedding is the next day and the bride and groom have a very long day ahead of them. They need a good night’s rest.
Fortunately or unfortunately, the rehearsal dinner is a time for roasting (called slagging by the Irish) the bridal couple. It is all in good humor so be sure your remarks are not offensive. Before/after the toasts, a nice touch is to have a harpist playing Irish songs in the background.
As to the menu, you can find a lot of simple Irish oriented menus in books and on line. A very basic and very Irish menu would include the following:
Ham and Cabbage
Potatoes (boiled in their skins)
Irish Brown Bread
Irish Apple Cake
The Ceremony
The marriage ceremony is, of course, the point of all this activity. Assuming you are getting married in a church setting. It is a very good idea to talk to the officiant early in the process. You don’t want to plan a ceremony that will violate the accepted practice of the church. This step will keep you from spending time, effort and money on things that won’t be allowed. In general, a wedding is seen as a happy, personal event by most churches and couples are allowed considerable flexibility.
Ceremonies these days usually take place in a house of worship. One way to add an Irish touch to an indoor church ceremony is to have the attendants precede the bride down the isle with lighted candles (symbolic of the time when the bride’s path was lit by young fellows carrying bogwood torches).
An outdoor ceremony is very Irish. One way to handle this is to be married on the church steps (that way if the weather doesn’t cooperate the event can be moved indoors…ditto with a ceremony at a private home).
Various blessings are available for the event (many of these can be found in Haggerty’s excellent book “The Traditional Irish Wedding”). My favorite is the following traditional Irish marriage blessing:
May God go with you and bless you.
May you see your children’s children.
May you be poor in misfortune and rich in blessings.
May you know nothing but happiness from this day forward.
Naturally, you should use such blessings as you consider appropriate and any others that are required by your officiant. I find vows made up by the couple out of their sincere commitment to one another the most unique and important aspect of a wedding, but that’s just me.
Reception
The reception follows the wedding ceremony. In olden days in Ireland, the reception was held in the bride’s parent’s home and hosted by them. Following the ceremony, the couple would walk to the bride’s parent’s home with the rest of the guests in tow. If you have a large enough home and are close enough to walk there from the ceremony, this is a very lovely tradition. Not only were the wedding party welcome at the reception, the entire village was invited to the festivities (a tradition that is still practiced in parts of Ireland)!
However, this is usually not possible these days so I’ll present more typical arrangements.
Blessings
The reception feast is often gotten off the mark with a blessing. The Irish have any number of blessings that might be used in this circumstance or one can be made up for the occasion. A blessing may also be appropriate after the meal (the blessing on everyone seems right to me…”As plentiful as the grass grows, Or the sand on the shore, Or the dew on the lea, So the blessings of the King of Grace, On every soul that was, That is, Or will be”). At the end of the reception the following blessing works: “That the roll call this day, twelve months may find us all present and none absent.”
Decor
Obviously, the decor for the reception should mesh with the decor used for the wedding if you want a fully coordinated affair. If not, one can decorate the reception area in any manner. One consideration is to make sure that decorations do not interfere with the movement and actions of the guests.
Food and Drink
Again, one can follow tradition or break with it. If you are not going to serve alcoholic beverages, it is a good idea to let that be known in advance. If you are, it is a good idea to have someone keep an eye out for those who have a tendency to overindulge. One certainly doesn’t want the affair tarnished by such events/behavior.
The cake, cake topper, and decorations are often the centerpiece of a reception. I don’t much like the bride and groom mashing cake onto one another’s faces but…. I think it is much better to offer the other a small morsel and have them eat it.
Toasts,
Be sure to provide an occasion for toasts to wish the bride and groom all the best (whether toasting or roasting)…. start with the immediate family and then allow others the opportunity.
Music
There are some excellent Celtic wedding cds on the market (one by the Chieftains for instance). Or if you can afford it, lots of harpists, etc. specialize in doing weddings and receptions. Be sure to work out the songs you want in advance and make sure the player(s) are able to perform those items.
Honeymoon
A honeymoon in Ireland may be just the ticket. If this is in the offing, there are a lot of companies who can plan a wonderful stay in Ireland. Another way is to rent a car and drift around to your heart’s content. If Ireland isn’t possible, pick a spot you’ll both enjoy and enjoy.
